Think your family
is strange during the holidays? Sit down for an MTV-sized serving of
The Osbournes Christmas and you'll hug your dysfunctional relatives
in a whole new way.
The Osbournes sit
around the big, formally set table to enjoy some ham, turkey, and gravy
made by the great Oz himself. It is only a matter of moments before
the kids are swearing at each other, parents are yelling, and a stray
"fizzy piss" cork hits the ceiling and breaks a vase. Luckily for those
wishing to compare with their own family, Ozzy gives us time updates
as to how long it took for the verbal melee to break out. "It's f*cking
quarter past six and f*cking Christmas has already gone to hell." His
updates seem to occur bi-hourly throughout the night.
In this episode
we get to meet an older son of Ozzy's from a previous marriage. He sits
in for the duration of Christmas dinner. Although he doesn't speak much,
he does seem to be quite coherent and "normal." It makes you think that
the insanity of the Osbourne family actually came from Sharon. Somehow
I knew it wasn't Ozzy's fault.
The holidays also
bring out some of the Osbourne extended family. Upon seeing the cousins
you realize that the whole Osbourne clan is full of chubbsters. Every
single one of them looks to be at least 25 pounds overweight. I wish
they would spring for some of that magical Body Solutions elixir. Watching
fat people swear at each other reminds me too much of Springer.
Next week marks the
season finale of The Osbournes, so be sure to tune in Tuesday at
And for you Osbourne
overachievers, The Howard Stern Show on E! is running Ozzy shows
all week long. See how well spoken Ozzy is before MTV. See Jack before
he discovered ballistic weapons, pot, and skin blemishes. It is quite